Drmg012, Dragon
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Contents
On page six of this issue, you’ll find our first statement of Owner-
ship, Management and Circulation, as per Second Class mailing regula-
tions. Check those numbers out carefully, and then pat yourself on the
back,
for it is to you, the readers, that TD owes it phenomenal success.
Your support has made TD the largest non-organ in the field and
placed it behind only
The General, S&T
and
MOVES.
Features
The Humorous Side of D&D . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
The Druids —
historical background
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
Quag Keep —
D&D fantasy novel by Andre
Norton. . . . . . . 22
D&D Variant
A New Look at Illusionists —
a new slant on a popular PC
. . .6
The Persian Mythos . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
Ship’s Cargo —
seagoing treasure in D&D
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12
Design/Designer’s Forum
Some Thoughts On The Speed of a Lightning Bolt . . . . . . . . . 12
Sorcerer’s Scroll —
our regular D&D column
. . . . . . . . . . . . 18
Reviews
Fantasy Forge —
phigure photos
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16-17
Advanced D&D — Monster Manual. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22
Dragon Mirth
Wormy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
Finieous Fingers. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29
To maintain our position, we are going to increase our publishing
schedule to monthly in April. You are reading this in Feb., if you are on
time, and the magazine is also. The cover date of TD 13 will be April,
and we plan to be mailing it out during the last week of March or a little
earlier, though that is unlikely. From then on, TD will be appearing
monthly. This means a number of things to you as readers, and more to
any writers that may be reading this. For one thing, once we hit a
monthly schedule you should notice better regularity in delivery. How-
ever, this means that more of each issue’s content will be selected and
typeset one to two months before publication. This may or may not
nave an effect on how soon we can cover “new” releases, time alone
will tell. Two or three pieces will be selected closer to printing time, so
perhaps that problem will never arise. For any writers, or would be
writers, this means that we are going to use a lot more material in a cal-
endar year. Our content has shifted some in recent issues, and we hope
to see it continue. However, if we don’t receive the articles we can’t
print them. Therefore, we are making our bi-annual appeal for good
quality material. We need good material on all FRP (fantasy role play-
ing) games that are popular, including additions, variants, etc. We also
need some good reviews, as well as some good analysis-type articles on
currently popular fantasy, S&S and S-F games. We can also use good
satire and humor pieces, as well as art. Recent authors will attest to the
fact that we are now paying good money, upon publication and not
months later as has sometimes happened in the past.
Effective April 78, subscription prices will double, because the fre-
quency has doubled over the original schedule. When we started, we
were bi-monthly and a year’s sub was $9. Now, however, a year con-
sists of twice as many issues, hence the sub price of $18 for 12 issues.
Price remains the same per issue (what other mag can say they haven’t
raised prices in well over a year?) it’s just a bigger chunk.
We’ve been kicking around the idea of having some TD T-shirts
made. They would probably have some Snits doing something on the
front, with the logo-dragon and logo on the back. We were also con-
sidering them in two colors plus white (similar to the TSR shirts). If you
think you’d be interested in having/acquiring one, let us know. If the
interest is there, rest assured that we will try to supply them.
Another project we have on the drawing board is a reprint of all
the best material from the first volume of TD (1-6). We are also letting
the old SR go out of print, so there is a good chance we would also cull
them for good material. We envision a 64 or 56 page volume, selling for
$2.50-$3.00. If the interest is sufficient, we will produce it. Let us
Know . . .
Managing Ed. —
T.J.
Kask
TD Editor —
T.J. Kask
LW Editor —
Joe
Orlowski
Art Dept. —
Dave Sutherland
Dave Trampier
Tom Wham
Circulation Mgr. —
Joe Orlowski
Cover —
by Elrohir
If your mailing label says “TD 12”
this is your last issue . . . Resubscribe today:
Timothy J
Kask
Editor
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We are quite
satisfied with that position, particularly in light of the fact that all three
of those magazines have had many years to get where they are.
t
he l
i
Feb. ‘78
THE MORE HUMOROUS SIDE OF D&D, or,
“THEY SHOOT HIRELINGS, DON’T THEY?”
by Leon Wheeler
There is, undoubtedly, a humorous side to dungeon expeditions.
This being the standard comedy routine provided, unwittingly, by the
characters for the amusement of the D.M.
First, I would like to thank the innovator of the Denebian Slime
Devil (whose name escapes me) for the shrieks of dismay, numerous
acts of Hari-Kari, and shouts of “Why me Lord?” that occur in my
dungeon.
Upon one occasion, a cleric, a fighter (myself) and their respective
hired fighters came upon the door to a room that they knew to contain
numerous orcs. (having been badly chewed up here before) Remember-
ing their past two experiences with said orcs, and not wishing to receive
any more scars, the fighter quickly spiked the door solidly shut. (seven
spikes) After this was finished, the cleric, using every point of his seven
intelligence, decided to stir up the orcs inside by banging on the door
with his mace. As the fighter consulted his hireling (a former carpenter)
as to whether more spikes might be needed, the cleric soundly rapped
the door as he had planned, while the rest of the party looked on with
horror.
Much to the cleric’s pleasure, the orcs scrabbled madly at the door,
trying to get out. The cleric thought this so humorous that he proceeded
to rap the door again, getting an equally violent reaction from the orcs.
Two spikes came loose and fell to the floor.
At this point the fighter was reaching for his length of rope, eyeing
the beams overhead for their strength, and attempting to remember
how to make a hangman’s noose.
The cleric, chuckling to himself, decided that such great fun
shouldn’t stop and so repeated his act. Now the spikes remaining began
to bend, and the door to bulge before the furious onslaught of the orcs.
The fighter had decided that his sword would be much quicker, and was
drawing it.
Then the cleric, oblivious to any danger, rapped the door a fourth
and final time. For the furious orcs, this was the last straw. The door
burst open and out rushed six seething-mad orcs.
At this point the bravery of the cleric shined true as he grabbed his
hireling by the arm (not wishing to lose an investment) and beat a hasty
retreat up the hall. And so the battle was on. Both fighters hacked and
sliced furiously, and, with a twinge of guilt, the cleric halted his retreat
and ordered his hireling to load up his crossbow and try to hit an orc or
two.
magical weaponry to defeat it, but when he got out of the room he was
seething mad. (wouldn’t you be?) Another time, when his hireling had
been snatched up by a giant praying mantis, he whipped out his cross-
bow and began to fire. Although he missed the mantis with both shots,
on the second shot he managed to hit his hireling in the back, killing
him instantly.
And, for those of you D.M.'s who have never encountered such a
creature and are skeptical as to the existence of more than one, I offer a
second case whom I’ll call Tallman. On his first expedition, Tallman’s
character set off on his own. Upon searching a small junk-filled cham-
ber, he found two items that he felt were of importance, an old broom
and a secret door. He proceeded to beat and kick on the door, but it ab-
solutely refused to open. All else having, failed, he snatched up the old
broom and charged the door with it in hand. (like a mounted lance) All
he got for his troubles was a temporary -3 on his dexterity score for
splinters. As he decided his next course of action, he happened to lean
against that door, which swung open immediately. The fall he took cost
him 1 hit point. Thankfully, this character was killed a few turns later
by a N’gruths.
On his second expedition, as a magic-user, Tallman continued in
his fine comedic tradition and even got funnier. On said expedition, he
was accompanied by a 14th level wizard called Elross the Green, a
Myrmidon whose name I never did learn, and several of Elross’s hire-
lings.
The first room they visited was empty, but Tallman (the peon of
the group) wouldn’t even get within ten feet of it. Since it was empty
anyway, Elross let it go at that. After they had opened the door of the
next room, however, he bravely volunteered when I mentioned that
they was coins on the floor. Unfortunately, Elross had different plans,
and tripped Tallman before he could get to the door.
The coins having been collected, they moved on to the next door.
Elross, having been here before, had encountered one of my footpads
who lurk over the door so as to leap down on unsuspecting foes, and as
such was very cautious.
The footpad was pried off the wall with a ten foot pole and, thanks
to two archers in Elross’s employ, a slaughter ensued. After the foot-
pad was finished off, Tallman was told to search the room. Tallman re-
fused, making a rude noise and calling Elross an old, shriveled up, two-
bit fraud. At that, Elross decided to prove that he could use magic, by
POLYMORPHing Tallman into a small stone. He then picked up the
stone, chucked it into the room, dispelled the POLYMORPH, and then
slammed and WIZARD LOCKed the door.
So there he stood, naked and shivering, in a cold and damp room
all by himself, all the time giving us his rendition of the old “what-did-
I-ever-do-to-deserve-this?” routine. Having nothing better to do until
they let him out, Tallman searched the room, finding a bag that ap-
peared to be filled with silver.
He then asked a thoroughly rhetorical question, “What should I
do?” To which the Myrmidon quickly replied, “Quick, Tallman, sleep
the bag!” He then did so, using his only spell.
At this point he loudly protested that he had ought to get some-
Cont. on pg. 22
5
In the end, all the orcs were slain, (one by a crossbow bolt I might
add) but alas, so was the fighter. His dying words were addressed to his
hireling, and they were, “get that cleric!” Unfortunately, when one is
faced with a loaded crossbow, he loses his former loyalty.
As an epilogue, this same cleric convinced the slain fighter’s son to
accompany him back to the same dungeon and room. As before, the
door was firmly spiked, but this time when the cleric raised his mace to
repeat his act, he received a quick sword-pommel between the eyes.
This seems to have cured him of the habit of door-banging.
At other points in time, this guy, (as a fighter) performed other
feats of amazing stupidity. At one time he locked a Hobbit and his pet
wolves in with a Balrog. Luckily for the Hobbit, he had enough
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